I guess you can add “b columnist” to the ol' resume, as today my writing appeared in the local “alternative” paper, b.

I wrote a piece against Dane Cook, and it’s available at your local newspaper box today.

However, for those of you not in the Baltimore area, I’ve added my piece, “A Case Against Dane Cook” behind the cut.  Enjoy.

A Case Against Dane Cook

For as long as people have had a way to have their voices heard, there have been comedians.

One person, against an audience, sharing their unique perspectives on life. They’re the underdogs. The unheard voice amongst a crowd. They take everyday situations and reveal a truth about life while masked by humor.

Dane Cook is none of these things. For as much as landmark comedians such as Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks raged against the system, Cook thrives in it.

In an age where some of the best voices in comedy come from the alternative nerd contingent (greats like Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman and David Cross), Dane Cook is the lowest common denominator appealing, douchey looking frat boy favorite.

He doesn’t know how life looks from the outside, he doesn’t know inner truths that need to be masked by humor, hell…he doesn’t even know how to tell a joke!

Seriously, listen closely to an average set from Dane Cook. In between stealing bits from other comedians far more talented than he, the “Dane Train" rolls on through bits that elicit wooing from mindless female fans, and silly applause breaks that indicate when a bit ends.

Wooing? Applause? Last I checked, we were there to laugh, but I guess he’s failed to notice that mispronouncing “sandwich" does not a punchline make.

Look, do yourself a favor. If you’re thinking of dropping the no doubt obscene ticket prices for Dane Cook’s show at the Arena, look a little closer. There are dozens of great comedians playing small clubs all throughout the Maryland DC area, and they’re far worth the money.

And if you’re really jonesing for some classic Cook bits? Look no further than Louis CK’s shows at the Recher later in May.

He wrote them in the first place.