Hey, did I ever tell you about the surreal fever dream I had, about The Rock starring in a movie as a hockey player who routinely knocks people’s teeth out, and then he gets forced to become a Tooth Fairy?

Yeah, it was some weird stuff. This is why I’m not allowed to write when I’m on NyQuil.

So what’s going on today in the movies on the web, eh?

New Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson movie? How iron–

OH SWEET GOD IT WASN’T A FEVER DREAM IT WAS A DARK NIGHTMARE

Seriously though, I know the family movies are easy money, but why hasn’t someone put The Rock in a real comedy or action movie with balls? Dude has skills. Hate to see them wasted in pap like this.

Tooth Fairy stinks up cinemas on January 22, 2010.

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