So, for months here at Blast-O-Rama, we’ve had a LiveBlog plug-in which we’ve been dying to use.

Considering that tonight brings on the 85th Annual Academy Awards, we decided that today would be a great day to use it, and I, Marty Day, will be dropping thoughts as the show goes on.

Tonight should be an interesting show, with many of the categories in a dead heat, some surprise wins expected, and a controversial choice in host in Seth MacFarlane.  Personally, while I’ve found recent years of Family Guy to be hit or miss, based on his SNL hosting appearance last fall, I think MacFarlane will be bareable - even if he pulls a Ricky Gervais-lite.

The show begins at 7pm Eastern, and I will try to start blogging right then. Enjoy, and see you on here!

OK, so far, the LiveBlog plug-in from WordPress has failed to work for me, so I’ll be posting updates the old-school, MANUAL way! LIKE WE DID BEFORE THE INTERNET.

Video intro kicks off “The Oscars Red Carpet Live” trying to juxtapose old Hollywood and new Hollywood - it really underlines how much classier everything was then. But hey, Kristen Chenowith is good times.

I won’t be snarking about what people wear, as generally, I don’t care, but I have to admit that Jennifer Hudson looks like she’s wearing a less slutty version of what Lil' Kim wore at an MTV Awards a few years back.

Channing Tatum’s FIRST Oscar night…and FAR FROM LAST. BEST ACTOR, 2014. QUOTE ME.

That’s one commercial break, and no Jennifer Lawrence. If you keep this up ABC, I’m rioting. She needs to be handled like Poochie. Anytime JLaw isn’t on screen, everyone should ask what she’s doing.

Jack The Giant Slayer looks like a pile of shit.

Even money says that Amanda Seyfried is batshit insane off camera.

Wait a minute - they’re doing a new Annie?! And it’s going to have Quvens…Quez…the girl from Beasts of the Southern Wild? When did I miss that?

A video package about costume design: odds of this being repeated during the show proper, extending a bloated awards ceremony even longer? I’d say 2:1.

YEAH! JLAW! Looking like she’s seven feet tall compared to the spritely Chenowith.

Zoe Saldana’s first movies were The Hunger, American Werewolf in London and The Deer Hunter? What an odd mix of films, especially as your first exposure. Doesn’t make up for the crapfest of Colombiana though.

CRYSTAL LIGHT: Not just for your grandma and her poker playing friends anymore.

That awkward walk to the red carpet end for the Daniel Radcliffe interview was a bizarre choice - really makes ABC’s coverage look minor, as if they’re not allowed to shoot the red carpet proper.

“GUYS. TWEET. PLEASE. HELP US PROVE TELEVISION REMAINS RELEVANT.”

Speaking of the difficulty of TV remaining relevant - the “Oscar Road Trip” was really the best idea ABC had? What the blue hell does that have to do with the magic of filmmaking? I know, the red carpet show is fluff, but that is shit.

Jack the Giant Slayer still looks miserable.

And I just found out that for some reason Fancy Feast is tweeting about the Oscars. They have more twitter followers than this blog though. Joke’s on me.

Someone should inform Chick-Fil-A that the audience watching the Oscars are comedians, amateur comedians and the gays.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Drunk, or super charismatic? YOU MAKE THE CALL.

“From Skyfall to Pitch Perfect…” Movies I enjoyed, yes, but I feel like that was the most random combination of movies to use in that intro.

GOOGLE IS OSCARS 2013

The Red Carpet pre-show is supposed to mercifully end at 8, right? 17 brutal minutes remaining.

I’m not sure if I should admit how excited that Windex Touch Up ad just got me.

On the other side, the toothpicking ad for Mutual of Omaha, starring No-Sleeves MacGee.

Hugh Jackman stole my Oscar Mystery gag. Damn it.

Drunk Chris Evans > Any other Chris Evans. Look up his Doug Loves Movies appearances if you haven’t yet experienced the glory.

Robert DeNiro’s face is in a constant state of “Why the Fuck Are You Talking To Me?”

Daniel Radcliffe, ABC’s official stalkee of the 85th Annual Academy Awards.

This LiveBlog now officially brought to you by Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Cannoli ice cream.

I’ve seen Once Upon A Time. Don’t believe that ads lies.

SON OF A BITCH THE OSCARS PROPER AREN’T UNTIL 8:30?!

Halle Berry’s hairstyle reminds me - if she pops up in X-Men: Days of Future Past as Storm again, can she have the awesome mohawk look?

ADELE SMASH PUNY CHENOWITH

Clooney looks fucking AWESOME with a beard. Dude needs to keep that look.

Anne Hathaway wearing what appears to be the world’s most expensive apron.

The Oscar Mystery Box was Dorothy’s shoes. All none of you who cared can rest easy now.

Cards Against Humanity just won the entire night.

Lets take a look at Jamie Foxx’s career and remember, dude was Wanda on In Living Color.

The producers of the Oscars doing a remarkable job of underlining exactly why they’ve been behind the scenes the entire time.

“Would you ever consider hosting the Oscars?” A legit question just asked Queen Latifah, answering the question no one had ever asked.

OH SHIT IT’S ALMOST TIME! Even money says Seth MacFarlane kicks off with a song.

Wow! Tommy Lee Jones laughed. As if it were on cue…

First voice from MacFarlane…and a swing and a miss.

MacFarlane appears to have the confidence of a 3rd time open micer.

HOLY CRAP! THE CORPSE OF JACK NICHOLSON HAS MADE IT TO THE FRONT ROW.

Shatner? What the shit?

“Why can’t Tina and Amy host everything?” Hm. I’d be game for that.

The “Saw Your Boobs” bit is saved by Jennifer Lawrence’s reaction shot.

SONG COUNT: 2.

By the way, I’m weirded out that this year’s theme is “Music and the Movies”, and when Jackman hosted a few years back, it was “The Musical is Back!”

I’m fairly sure that’s Jay Pharaoh doing the voice of Denzel Washington for the Sock Puppet Flight bit.

SONG COUNT: 3.

Samuel L. Jackson is not amused. Honestly, I think this has had some moments.

Annnnd we just had a cutaway gag.

Song number….four?

SONG COUNT: 4. And we’ve yet to have an award. Some parts of this intro is working better than others, (the Amy Adams biting a guy gag got me), but…no one edited this?

Octavia Spencer presents Best Supporting Actor.

This reminds me, I really need to see The Master.

And the Oscar goes to…CHRISTOPH WALTZ for Django Unchained. Well deserved - most charismatic performance of the year. Very nice job starting off by showing love to the other actors.

And Jack Nicholson just woke up.

I guess Seth MacFarlane will be doing all of our pre-commercial announcements as well?

Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy - two of the funniest people of Hollywood, turning into TV death.

Best Animated Short Film - Paperman. 100% deserved. Arguably stole the show from Wreck-It Ralph.

Best Animated Feature Film - Brave - A good flick, but I’d say that either Wreck-It Ralph or Paranorman were better. Would have been happy with any of the three winning.

I legit forgot that Reese Witherspoon had won an Oscar.

THE AVENGERS! Minus…Scarlett Johannson and Chris Hemsworth. And I think Robert Downey Jr. just shit on the entire audience. Well done.

Best Cinematography - I’d like Skyfall to win here…Life of Pi gets it, another movie which I need to see. The shots in the trailer looked beautiful. Loved the guys speech - real emotion there.

The Avengers get a second award with more witty banter.

Best Visual Effects - Life of Pi. OK, I get it - I need to see it. Thanks, Academy.

Using the Jaws theme as the cut off music is brilliant. Cutting off the bit about how VFX companies are going bankrupt is NOT.

Channing Tatum and Jennifer Aniston are out to present…

Best Costume Design - Anna Karenina. Kind of a dull mix of nominees, lots of period piece look. If anything, I would have given it to Snow White, just because of the surreal edge it gave a standard fairy tale.

Chatum and Jen stay on for Best Makeup/Hairstyling - probably going to go to Les Miserables. And it does. No shock. It made the pretty Hollywood people look ugly.

After an awful binge/purge joke from Seth MacFarlane, Hallie Berry is out for the Fifty Years of Bond bit. EXCITED.

SONG COUNT: 5 - But it’s Shirley F’n Bassey doing “Goldfinger”, so NO hate here.

Beyonce wishes she were that awesome.

Our next presenters - Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx. The full orchestra doing the Django theme rules.

Whoever is writing the witty presenter banter needs to be shot. Nothing is working, besides the Channing Tatum waxing bit.

Best Live-Action Short - Curfew. No opinions here. But why did they get the box seats?

Kerry and Jamie stay on for Best Documentary, Short Subject. I could make up a winner here, and I bet you wouldn’t know the difference. But the actual winner - Inocente? I may have misspelled it.

Liam Neeson is out for the next Best Picture montage-o-rama. I’m pretty sure he was just berating the audience with his scripted words. That, or since Taken, I assume everything he says is a threat. Oh, and I’m totally pushing for Argo as the Best Picture winner.

I’m really warming up to Seth MacFarlane as host, the longer this goes. Sure, his bits have been kinda obvious, but he’s showing a level of comfort and relaxation we never had with the last attempt to grab the young people, the infamous Hathaway and Franco duo.

Ben Affleck is out for Best Documentary.

And the EPIC camera zoom gives it to Searching for Sugar Man.

Jessica Chastain and Jennifer Garner (who I seem to be the only person who likes her) are out for Best Foreign Picture. Or, as many people call it, a snack break. Amour, to the surprise of no one, takes the win.

John Travolta is out after a quick acknowledgement of the remote orchestra. And get ready - MORE SINGING.

SONG COUNT: 6. Zeta Jones snoozing through “All that Jazz”

SONG COUNT: 7. Jennifer Hudson is a fucking BEAST though.

SONG COUNT: 8. Here comes the Les Mis montage of doom.

That entire bit seemed to basically say “COME ON YOU ASSHOLES, GIVE US AN OSCAR.” A bit much, even if the performances from the Les Mis cast were of a solid quality.

Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana hit the stage, to me asking - why the hell hasn’t Chris Pine been given anything good since Star Trek, besides Star Trek? Ponder that while they show a montage of the technical awards.

After a bunch of Ted jokes, its stars, Mark Wahlberg and…a CG TED are out to give an award.

Best Sound Mixing  - I’m sure you are on pins and needles for this one.

Les Miserables. Eh.

More Ted and Mark Wahlberg bits, leading to…

Best Sound Editing - Again, I know this is a hotly anticipated award. Calm yourselves.

A TIE? Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall. In a really odd bit, they gave each winner separate announcements and speeches.

A SOUND OF MUSIC ROUTINE! WAY TO KEEP THE YOUNG VIEWER IN, YOU GUYS!

that said, it made me laugh like a fool

Christopher Plumber is out for Best Supporting Actress.

I think Anne Hathaway just choked up at video of her own performance?

Anne Hathaway wins.

Since when did the Oscars have popcorn girls?

And now for an eye-rolling speech sure to be about piracy and self-fellation, the PRESIDENT OF THE ACADEMY!

Sandra Bullock hits the stage next for Best Film Editing. Argo takes it here.

!!!!JLAW ALERT!!!!

And she’s bringing me SONG COUNT: 9 - FUCKIN' SKYFALL BY FUCKIN' ADELE YEAH!

Legally, I now have to embed Paul F. Tompkins' cover of “Skyfall”.

www.youtube.com/watch

Nicole Kidman is out to judge the entire room and blast the home audience with ANOTHER Best Picture nominee video montage. From the brief footage of Amour, I can tell that movie would reduce me to a pile of sadness.

Kristen Stewart and Daniel Radcliffe are out. Stewart is an odd mix of drunk and hating life.

Best Production Design - Lincoln.

Selma Hayek is out for the Governors Awards acknowledgement. And, as MacFarlane gagged, she stumbled her way through the English language.

INTERESTING SIDE FACT: Inocente, the Best Live-Action Short winner, was funded it on KickStarter, making it the first crowd-sourced Oscar winner. Could be a sign of things to come.

In Memoriam time, brought to us by George Clooney. I look forward to Twitter telling me who they snubbed.

SONG COUNT: 10 with BARBARA FREAKIN' STREISAND.

11:03. What’s left? Best Picture, Best Actor and Best Actress?

The Cast of Chicago is out, celebrating 10 years since its release (was it that big a deal?) - I forgot about the musical awards.

Best Musical Score - Life of Pi

Chicago cast stays on for Best Original Song as Richard Gere is…incredibly off.

SONG COUNT: 11 - Surprise insert performance as Norah Jones does the song from Ted.

“Skyfall” wins. Of course. Such an awesome Bond jam.

Hey, whatever funny thing happens on Kimmel tonight will be on YouTube tomorrow, right? I’ve got to sleep eventually.

Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron are out for Best Adapted Screenplay. GODDAMN THIS SHOW IS LONG.

Argo gets another award here. Worth it.

Best Original Screenplay goes to Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained. QT gets the best reaction from the crowd so far tonight.

The legendary Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas hit the stage, looking fantastic for their respective ages to bring on the big Best Director award. We know Affleck ain’t winning - it’s a toss up for me from there.

Ang Lee wins for Life of Pi. I did NOT expect that.

Jean DuJardin is out to present Best Actress, his first work since winning Best Actor last year for The Artist.

The Oscar goes to JENNIFER LAWRENCE for Silver Linings Playbook. I’m really happy to see that, even as she falls up the stairs. Hugh Jackman was nice enough to try to help her up.

Meryl Streep, the actress to get literally no introduction, is out for Best Actor. I’m expecting a Daniel Day Lewis win.

And Daniel Day Lewis does win, for Lincoln. Points to DDL for being so damn funny in his speech. Wasn’t what I was expecting from such a hardcore method actor.

Now we wait and see if Argo does the impossible and wins the Oscar for Best Picture, or if Life of Pi continues its surprise run of wins.

Jack Nicholson IS ALIVE! HE DIDN’T DIE IN THE FRONT ROW! SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS HIS LAST MOVIE?

Wait a minute, he’s sharing with Michelle Obama via Satellite? SURREAL.

Best Picture…

ARGO. Ben Affleck is officially an Oscar award winning filmmaker.

SONG COUNT: 12 as Chenowith and MacFarlane do a song about the losers of the night. Good lord.

Your biggest winner of the night? The theme from Jaws.

Biggest loser? Those of us watching on the East Coast.

Maybe we’ll try this again next year, and get more of the staff on it? I’m gonna go to bed. Thanks for reading if you did.