Summer 2015 has been a remarkable season of franchise rebirth.

As much as movie fans may deride it, the fact of the matter is - the current state of the movie industry relies on franchises or known properties getting the masses into theaters. For the most part, this Summer, it’s worked out. The seventh Fast & Furious movie is one of its best, and is the biggest yet. We’re twelve movies into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Long time favorites Mad Max and Jurassic Park have been reborn with revitalized installments for new generations.

Unfortunately, Terminator Genisys is not going to join the list.

A lifeless installment that is somehow a prequel, sequel and reboot all-in-one, Genisys aims to be something-for-everyone, and delivers nothing-for-anyone for 125 dull minutes.

Terminator Genisys attempts to handle the Terminator franchise much how Jurassic World handled the prior Jurassic films - recall the good, ignore the bad. In shades of 1984’s The Terminator, future freedom fighter John Connor (played here by Jason Clarke), battling robotic baddies Skynet, decides to send his right-hand man, solider Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) back to 1984 to protect his mother, Sarah Connor (Game of Thrones’ Emilia Clarke) from a time-traveling T—800.

The twist this time? Without describing the MAJOR spoiler (which is actually covered in many, many trailers), when Kyle arrives in 1984, waiting for him is a T—1000 (Lee Byung-hun) - you know, like in Terminator 2: Judgement Day! And that T—800 that showed up in 1984 originally (played here by a CGI Arnold Schwarzenegger)? He’s stopped by a HEROIC T—800 (flesh and bone Arnold Schwarzenegger) - you know, like in Terminator 2: Judgement Day! - and he’s OLD! Like the real Arnold is now! And even weirder?! Sarah Connor’s a gun carrying bad-ass! Like in Terminator 2: Judgement Day! And, uh, the T—800 is kind of her dad.

That’s right, due to some weirdness when Kyle Reese was sent into the past - which finally explains what exactly former Doctor Matt Smith is doing in this movie - we’ve got ourselves a BRAND NEW TIMELINE!

Lets step back for a second. To give ourselves a fresh slate (and start a new trilogy, the studio hopes), the filmmakers here have decided to freshen up the timeline for new audiences, but to understand it, you need to have seen the prior movies (which will confuse the new audiences), but we keep the old movies relevant for the original Terminator audience (who, by this point, are facepalming due to the ridiculous number of changes).

Terminator Genisys is a movie that commits those cardinal sins of plotting and more!

Over the next two hours, you get…

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger being, of all characters, the one to explain how time travel works!
  • A “our heroes get arrested sequence" scored to the tune of “Bad Boys" - you know, like on Cops!
  • Skynet morphing into Genisys, an evil operating system which I guess is supposed to be criticizing Facebook and Apple at the same time? Whichever is more relevant to the kids.

The worst part is? Everyone here deserves better. Almost everyone, that is. Jai Courtney remains the human equivalent of dishwater, and ruins his second franchise, so he can stay among the muck. Emilia Clarke is fantastic on Game of Thrones, but never once feels right in the role of Sarah Connor. It probably doesn’t help that while she’s portrayed as the Judgement Day styled badass, she mostly just is a damsel in distress. Jason Clarke was great in Zero Dark Thirty, but brings nothing of what made him so captivating there. Even Arnold is turned into a joke, with his aging being regularly referenced (to where sometimes, I just felt bad for the guy), and his T—800 mostly serving as comedic relief.

Honestly, the only person who seems engaged is JK Simmons, who has the film’s most intriguing role (again, one who would be a spoiler if I explained further). The minute he exclaims his exasperation at the “GODDAMN TIME TRAVELING ROBOTS" earns every bit of admission - and the movie promptly manages to never again reach that height.

Action sequences occur regularly and are mostly competent, but are delivered with little feeling or gusto. I’m not sure if that’s the script or directions fault, but fingers could be pointed in either direction - sorry, Alan Taylor, you deserve better than this.

As the fifth film in the franchise, Terminator Genisys marks the tipping point of the Terminator series - there are now officially more bad Terminator movies than good ones. Maybe bad isn’t even the proper term - Terminator Genisys isn’t offensively awful, it’s just incredibly unengaging. And that may even be the bigger sin.

With hints of a sequel dropped in the mid-credits sequence, I have a sad message for Paramount: I won’t be back.

Terminator Genisys is in theaters now, and is available for pre-order on Amazon and iTunes.