Mike Langley, McSweeny’s:

That’s a good one. Ha ha. Go ahead and type your email address in the box. Please.

Look, just write it. Hit the enter key. Now give me your password. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.

What, you want me to level with you? You want to know how real this gets?

If I let any more non-subscribers in, they’re gonna kill me. They’re gonna kill my family. Bam. Done.

That’s right, just type the password in the box. Nice and easy.

That wasn’t so bad, was it?

A gloriously grim first person article from everyone’s favorite paywall, The New York Times. Absolutely nails it.

Granted, it must be effective, as I now pay for two newspaper subscriptions, not also including Apple News+.