[Mike Langley, *McSweeny’s*](https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-the-new-york-times-paywall-and-if-i-let-any-non-subscribers-in-theyll-kill-my-family):
>That’s a good one. Ha ha. Go ahead and type your email address in the box. Please.
>
>Look, just write it. Hit the enter key. Now give me your password. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.
>
>What, you want me to level with you? You want to know how real this gets?
>
>If I let any more non-subscribers in, they’re gonna kill me. They’re gonna kill my family. Bam. Done.
>
>That’s right, just type the password in the box. Nice and easy.
>
>That wasn’t so bad, was it?
A gloriously grim first person article from everyone’s favorite paywall, *The New York Times*. Absolutely nails it.
Granted, it must be effective, as I now pay for two newspaper subscriptions, not also including Apple News+.